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<title>Secret Twin Not!Fic. by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24151942">Secret Twin Not!Fic.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels'>Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Emperor's Brother [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Related, Dialogue-Only, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Not!Fic, secret twin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:34:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24151942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gregor tells Ivan that they're twins.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gregor Vorbarra &amp; Ivan Vorpatril</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Emperor's Brother [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742890</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Secret Twin Not!Fic.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gregor: So, turns out you're my brother.</p><p>Ivan: Yeah? We knew that.</p><p>Gregor: No. <i>Actually</i> my brother.</p><p>Ivan: Again. We knew that.</p><p>Gregor: My mom's your mom.</p><p>Ivan: Huh? How would that work? It's not like your mom could have hidden a pregnancy and I'm not <i>that</i> much younger than you anyway.</p><p>Gregor: You're not. We're twins.</p><p>Ivan: We're what?</p><p>Gregor: Anyway, congratulations, you're a Vorbarra.</p><p>Ivan: Sounds fake but okay. Wait, no. Not okay.</p><p> </p><p>Ivan: Twins???</p><p>Gregor: Yes.</p><p>Ivan: So I'm three days older than I think I am???</p><p>Gregor: What's what you're focusing on?</p><p>Ivan: THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF IT.</p><p>Gregor: Um.</p><p>Ivan: Look, Gregor, I already knew I was your brother. But I thought I also knew my birthday. This is gonna take a while to sink in.</p><p>Gregor: Can it take a little less time?</p><p>Ivan: You knew I was exactly like this, Gregor. We have been roommates for seven years.</p><p>Gregor: I guess that's true.</p><p>Ivan, five minutes later: Wait, are you telling me we're twins?</p><p>Gregor: And now it sinks in.</p><p>Ivan: My mother isn't my mother?</p><p>Gregor: Uh-huh.</p><p>Ivan: I'm not related to my sisters?</p><p>Gregor: Um. Well. Cousins?</p><p>Ivan: GREGOR THIS IS SERIOUS.</p><p>Gregor: Ivan. Please be aware that I know how serious this is. This is so serious, I'm asking lawyers about legitimacy laws. They all think I've knocked someone up.</p><p>Ivan: ...Have you?</p><p>Gregor: I am never going to ever do anything involving pregnancy ever. All my kids are gonna come out of a uterine replicator. I am going to be in the room when it happens. I am going to be able to correctly answer the question of how many children do I have.</p><p>Ivan: Yeah. That seems sensible. Wow.</p><p> </p><p>Ivan: So, uh, how are we going to do this? This whole twin thing?</p><p>Gregor: That's up to you.</p><p>Ivan: Well, then it's gonna be a total disaster. Never leave things up to me. Don't you remember that time with the rope and the tree?</p><p>Gregor: If you want, I can make you a Prince an hour from now. </p><p>Ivan: ...Let's not be hasty.</p><p> </p><p>Ivan: OK. Here's my plan: we keep not telling anyone at all ever and you absolutely don't do anything to make me a Vorbarra, no matter what your lawyers tell you you can do.</p><p>Gregor: :(</p><p>Ivan: Don't frownyface me! Look, there's literally no way this can go well. Every single way of doing this goes really really badly for everyone involved. And that everyone involved is me and my mother, okay? And my mother's already the mother of Serg's bastard. And you going to go around telling people that she's <i>not</i>? My mama isn't a liar!</p><p>Gregor: Ivan, both our mothers have done nothing but lie about this.</p><p>Ivan: That's different.</p><p>Gregor: So you don't want to be my brother? :(</p><p>Ivan: I have been your brother every goddamn day of my goddamn life. But I can't be your Vorbarra brother. That's too hard and I don't like hard things.</p><p>Gregor: :(</p><p>Ivan: I'll do anything else, though! We can still do brother things! Uh, what's brother things to do?</p><p>Gregor: I have no idea, I've never had any siblings. What do you do with your sisters?</p><p>Ivan: Um. I braid their hair sometimes? </p><p>Gregor: OK. Let's think of some other things.</p><p>Ivan: Also I tickle them.</p><p>Gregor: Definitely other things.</p><p>Ivan: I also used to knock down their blocks but then Louisa gave me a black eye and I stopped.</p><p>Gregor: I think we're done with this train of thought, thank you, Ivan.</p><p> </p><p>Gregor: I hate this entire plan.</p><p>Ivan: There's still time to make me <i>someone else's</i> secretary.</p><p>Gregor: But then I'll never see you.</p><p>Ivan: Ugh. Everyone's gonna think we're so codependent. Roommates forever and then you can't go without seeing my smiling face every day so you hire me.</p><p>Gregor: If I don't see you every day, you might forget you ever wanted to be my brother.</p><p>Ivan: Gregor, bro. Bro. Not gonna happen. Group hug?</p><p> </p><p>Gregor: OK, that's all done. :( We're officially brothers now. :( But only half-brothers. :(</p><p>Ivan: Yay!</p><p>Gregor: But imagine if we'd grown up together as brothers. :(</p><p>Ivan: Oh, like, imagine if Negri had split us up during the Pretendership and Vordarian had tried to make me into the Emperor after declaring you were dead?</p><p>Gregor: Uh--</p><p>Ivan: Imagine if I didn't <i>survive</i> the Pretendership then, or imagine if he'd forced me to take oaths? Okay that part would be fine, the Regent would have just executed everyone who'd given it to me, but I'd still have been in a pretty shitty situation.</p><p>Gregor: Um.</p><p>Ivan: And then the rest of it! Fuck, I'd thought the shit I go through was bad, but imagine if there were people trying to get me to overthrow you. That would suck. You'd probably hate me for being there. You'd wish you weren't a twin. You'd think I was an anchor attached to your ankle dragging you down.</p><p>Gregor: Ivan.</p><p>Ivan: Like at school! If I ever did better than you, that'd be a sign that we came out in the wrong order. Instead of the way it was, where if I did better than you, that was just Serg's genes showing themselves or whatever. It'd be a constant competition I wouldn't be allowed to ever win.</p><p>Gregor: Ivan, can you not think about this so much?</p><p>Ivan: Believe me, growing up as twins would have sucked so much. It's much better to be friends.</p><p>Gregor: None of those were the reasons our mom did this.</p><p>Ivan: No, she did it to save me from our father. Fucking terrifying, that.</p><p>Gregor: *glumly* Yeah.</p><p> </p><p>Gregor: *belated realization* How the hell am I supposed to address Aunt Alys?</p><p>Ivan: ...???</p><p>Gregor: She's my twin's adopted mother. Does that make her also my mother?</p><p>Ivan: Stop overcomplicating our already-complicated life.</p><p> </p><p>A year later:</p><p>Gregor: Be the second at my wedding.</p><p>Ivan: Gregorrrrrrrrr. Stop making me do everything.</p><p>Gregor: Won't.</p><p>Ivan: This is EXACTLY like what growing up with you would have been like.</p><p>Gregor: :D</p><p> </p><p>One year after that:</p><p>Gregor: So when's your wedding gonna be?</p><p>Ivan: Never.</p><p>Gregor: ???</p><p>Ivan: Gregor, let's be honest. The only reason this works at all okay -- rather than us murdering each other -- is that I don't want to be Emperor. Right?</p><p>Gregor: Um, I disagree with the premise, but want to see where you're going, so, sure.</p><p>Ivan: So what happens when I have a son? And you have a son? And we're both dead? And maybe my son doesn't really like your son? And I'm legitimate. And my kid's legitimate. And I just know that if you outlive me, you're gonna tell everyone the truth after I die--</p><p>Gregor: *guilty look*</p><p>Ivan: I'm not gonna bet the future of the planet on our kids liking each other.</p><p>Gregor: This reasoning seems faulty since my own kids could tear the planet apart between them, too.</p><p>Ivan: Yeah but then it's your problem, not mine. Can't blame Ivan Vorpatril.</p><p>Gregor: Ivan, come on.</p><p>Ivan: Nope. No marriage. No children. No twin problems.</p><p>Gregor: What does Aunt Alys think about that?</p><p>Ivan: Are you kidding? Trying to marry off Serg's bastard son? Why do that when you don't have to? My mom's got three daughters to match-make for instead. She figures Aunt Kareen will arrange it for me.</p><p>Gregor: Well--</p><p>Ivan: And Aunt Kareen thinks mama will do it. I figure I can live in that ambiguity for at least three years, no problem.</p><p>Gregor: And then after that?</p><p>Ivan: After that you will have a baby or two to distract them. I can keep this con going <i>forever</i>.</p><p>Gregor: It ruins things if you tell me you're gonna do it.</p><p>Ivan: No, it doesn't. Because we're friends and we're brothers and you wouldn't do anything to hurt me, right?</p><p>Gregor: I am going to send you on embassy duty to Earth.</p><p>Ivan: Cool, I'll bring you back a souvenir. </p><p>Gregor: :( Why won't you just do what I want you to do?</p><p>Ivan: Because I'm your twin, not your vassal. Wait a second--</p><p>Gregor: Do you need me to forget you just said that?</p><p>Ivan: Yes, please.</p><p> </p><p>Gregor: I have a genius plan. You're going to play with my kids and love it and then you're gonna want to have you own, and you'll forget all about this bad idea.</p><p>Ivan: Slight flaw in your plan.</p><p>Gregor: What?</p><p>Ivan: Your kids are awesome. Why would I risk having my own and then have to think about my kids maybe someday killing yours for the inheritance? Your kids are a threat reminder, not an advertisement.</p><p>Gregor: ...Then I won't let you play with my kids.</p><p>Ivan: Too late, I'm already Favorite Uncle Ivan.</p><p>Gregor: Local Vorpatril Thinks Of Murder All Day Long.</p><p>Ivan: Yep.</p><p> </p><p>Ivan: Actually, I've come around.</p><p>Gregor: Yay!</p><p>Ivan: No, not about that. I mean that I'm glad my mom gave me a different birthday. Having to share my birthday with yours would be terrible. Ugh, imagine growing up with that every year. Sharing your birthday but it's <i>your</i> capital-b Birthday, not mine, I'm just along for the ride. And even now! It would suck! But I get my own birthday. Thanks, mom.</p><p>Gregor: ...Am I the only one angry that they did this?</p><p>Ivan: Oh, no. I'm mad, too. I guess. A little. It's repressed, I'm good at that. But, sorry, Gregor, things didn't turn out that bad. My life didn't suck as the Emperor's brother stuck in his shadow, but I still get to hang out with you and be your brother! Best of both worlds. You just think it'd've been awesome because you have no imagination.</p><p>Gregor: I have an imagination.</p><p>Ivan: Your toy stegosaurus was named Steggie. You have never had an imagination and you're not gonna start now.</p><p>Gregor: Steggie was short for Stephen.</p><p>Ivan: Oh fuck off, it was not.</p><p>Gregor: Would your Emperor lie to you?</p><p>Ivan: IDK but my twin brother would.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/1121024.html">this post on dreamwidth</a>; <a href="https://lannamichaels.tumblr.com/post/617945804526829568/the-emperors-brother-5843-words-by-lanna">this post on tumblr</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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